Effective ways to be happier....

Today's post: Thursday, 4-23-2009

Prudent optimism, a strong sense of purpose, an outgoing and friendly nature including liking most people and wishing them well, and laughter all tend to create good health and resilience.

Their opposites tend to cause disease and early death too.

Perhaps even more important today with all the bad news lately is that this is true in both good times and bad times.

In our last post on Tuesday, we covered those four things. But I didn’t have time to include a similar article from Early to Rise they published last Saturday, 4-18.

So it’s here in this post today. It makes similar points to our post last Tuesday. But you may find it easier to follow or use. And, even better, if you like it, it’s adapted from the author’s related book. So you can get even more info & tips if you like.

“This article appears courtesy of Early To Rise, a free newsletter dedicated to making money, improving health and secrets to success. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.earlytorise.com .”

“How to Stay Up When the Economy Is Down - With 5 Quick-Start Steps

By Marci Shimoff

"How can I be happy when the economy is tanking?" It's a question I hear a lot lately. It seems that as the financial picture becomes more depressed, so do we. That's why now, more than ever, we need to learn to be happy from the inside out - no matter what's going on in our lives.

What would it take to make you happy? A fulfilling career? A big bank account? The perfect mate?

What if it didn't take anything to make you happy?

Well, it's possible.

Doing the research for my book, Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy From the Inside Out, I interviewed scores of scientists, as well as 100 unconditionally happy people. And I discovered a way to experience a state of inner peace and well-being that isn't dependent on external circumstances.

When you're Happy for No Reason, you don't need to manipulate the world around you to make yourself happy. You bring happiness to your everyday experiences rather than trying to extract happiness from them.

Here are a few strategies you can use to become happier - and stay that way:

1. People who are Happy for No Reason incline their minds toward joy.

Have you noticed that your mind tends to register the negative events in your life more than the positive? If you get 10 compliments in a day and one criticism, what do you remember? For most people, it's the criticism. Scientists call this "negativity bias" - primitive survival wiring that causes us to pay more attention to the negative than the positive.

To reverse this bias, get into the habit of consciously registering the positive around you: the sun on your skin, the taste of a favorite food, a smile or kind word from a co-worker or friend. Then take a moment to savor it deeply and feel it. Make it more than a brief mental observation. Spend 20 seconds soaking up the happiness you feel.

2. People who are Happy for No Reason trust in a friendly universe.

Happy people believe that this is a friendly universe. When things don't seem to be going their way, instead of feeling like a victim, they look for the lesson and the gift in the situation.

Try it: The next time you face a challenge, take a moment to reflect silently, asking yourself, "If this were happening for a higher purpose, what would it be?"

3. People who are Happy for No Reason let love lead in their life.

One way to power up your heart's flow is by conveying a feeling of loving kindness to your friends and family, as well as strangers you pass on the street.

When you're waiting for the elevator, stuck in a checkout line, or caught in traffic, send a silent wish to the people you see for their happiness and health. Simply wishing others well switches on the "pump" in your own heart that generates a strong current of happiness.

4. People who are Happy for No Reason make the cells in their body happy.

Your brain produces a veritable pharmacopeia of natural happiness-enhancing neurochemicals - endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine - just waiting to be released to every organ and cell in your body. The way you eat, move, and rest, and even your facial expression, can shift the balance of your body's feel-good chemicals in your favor.

To dispense some extra Joy Juice - smile. Scientists have discovered that smiling decreases stress hormones and boosts happiness chemicals, which increase the body's T-cells, reduce pain, and enhance relaxation. You may not feel like it, but smiling - even artificially to begin with - starts the ball rolling. It will turn into a real smile in short order.

5. People who are Happy for No Reason surround themselves with support.

We catch the emotions of those around us just like we catch their colds. It's called emotional contagion. So it's important to make wise choices about the company you keep.

Establish appropriate boundaries with emotional bullies and "happiness vampires" who suck the life out of you. Develop your happiness "dream team" - a mastermind or support group you meet with regularly to keep you steadily on the happiness path.

"Happily ever after" isn't just for fairy tales or the lucky few. Imagine experiencing inner peace and well-being as the backdrop for everything else in your life. When you're Happy for No Reason, it's not that your life always looks perfect - it's that however it looks, you're still happy!

[Ed. Note: Marci Shimoff is the author of the New York Times bestseller Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out, a revolutionary approach to experiencing deep and lasting happiness. ….]”

X* X* X* X* X* X* X* X*

She has many good ideas in her article. Here’s just a few comments.

1. I’ll add two ways to feel better about criticism.

Some criticism is legitimate feedback on something you did wrong or need to do better. Despite the fact it may not be fun to hear, it can actually be a blessing in disguise to get and save you from worse troubles later to hear it. One very successful man said when you are criticized to check out if the criticism has any of this legitimate aspect to it. Even if it was meanly stated or meant, if it does, plan to make constructive use of the information. That can make you feel better because it puts you in control. His tactic if it doesn’t have any legitimate thing you are actually doing wrong, it has no force to it and can usually be ignored and should be.

Second, if it’s harshly put, it may be that the person criticizing you is in a particularly bad mood for some reason. In other words, it’s more communicating their bad mood than something you actually did wrong. You might be able to find out what caused their bad mood and even help them feel better. If you can, that will often turn off the criticism by removing the discomfort that triggered it. Or, if you can’t, your best bet may be to give them some space or be somewhere else until they feel better. It’s optimistic thinking as we discussed in our last post to also make sure to remember that this same person was in a better mood before and may well be in a better mood later. That can also help you feel better.

2. Noticing good things and appreciating them at the time or also remembering them and going over the good things that happened to you each day is a habit that can be learned if you haven’t been doing it. It has been proven to work. So, she is not just saying it because she thinks so when it really is not.

Study after study has confirmed that this works extremely well to improve the mood and feeling of well being in people who do it even if they never did it before. (It sounds like she has read reports of some of these studies.)

(It also helps to notice when someone does something that really works for you or makes you feel better to make it a point to thank them. This can be even more important if it’s something they do often. They’ll feel better and appreciated and will be much more likely to know you like it and value their efforts. And, it also helps they are more likely to keep doing it.)

3. Our universe does have good things in it. And people who are optimistic not only have noticed this but believe that such good things are always there even if you aren’t currently experiencing them. They believe they are permanent and lasting. Since optimists are happier, have more friends, and stay in much better health, her point, “People who are Happy …. trust in a friendly universe.” is accurate and true.

4. Wishing others well does all kinds of good. It does jump start your own positive emotions and releases neurochemicals that make you feel good. It helps you to see yourself as a good and worthwhile person. And, sometimes people can tell or really like it when you also do something that does do something for them they want done.

5. Smiling has very similar effects. In addition, you look better. It relieves the stress of the people around you. It makes THEM feel better and liked. So they tend to treat YOU better and respond better to you.

Dale Carnegie launched a career, a best selling book, and a success training company that still exists. And, according to his feedback from his initial trainees, his teaching them to smile at other people often may have been (& still is) as valuable as everything else in his course. Some of his students literally wrote him for years afterwards about how much better their lives became after they begin smiling at people often!

6. Also notice that each of these things makes it easier to and more likely that you will surround yourself with the support of other people.

That is a proven way to feel better, be healthier, and live longer.

Novel way to feel better...

Today's post: Friday, 12-5-2008

1. Most of us work at jobs where we know some of the people. Many of us keep in touch with family and friends. Many of us are married or are in some kind of stable, committed, relationship. Many of us shop or go to places to eat where we know the people or some of them because we see them often. Similarly, if you commute to work, you often get to know many of the people who commute when you do each day.

AND, each of those people is in similar social networks & knows or interacts with many people each week.

2. Suppose that someone in this network of people that YOU are in, unexpectedly gets a huge inheritance or wins a large LOTTO prize or gets a huge promotion they really wanted and know they can handle. Or they have been struggling to learn a new language and have been frustrated by it; but suddenly they begin thinking in it and speaking it easily.

Such people feel unusually good and act like it. They smile at people. They forgive people they otherwise wouldn’t. They say a friendly hello to people they often didn’t speak to before but saw often. They are kinder and more cheerful. They look happier than usual. They have a bit more energy than usual & clearly feel great.

3. Today on several different news services, a study was announced that found that these two things interact. If someone in a social network is in that good a mood, everyone in their extended social network begins to feel better and happier as the much more positive interactions that unusually happy person does makes each person they interact with feel better. And, so they feel better and tend to do the same thing to the other people in their lives. The research found that this effect travels two or three levels and lights up the whole social network of that person with good feelings, or happiness, in the words of the study.

4. The more effective authors & teachers of good people skills and success AND the better studies of these skills have found that acting like someone who is that happy tends to improve your communications and effectiveness. People tend to like people who do that and are glad to see them. They are more likely to cooperate with them or forgive them or give them the benefit of the doubt. And, over years and years these effects accumulate.

Famed self-help expert Dale Carnegie made it a point to teach people to smile when they see other people, to make sure to learn their names and remember them, and to take a legitimate interest in what they have to say. (There’s still a Dale Carnegie course; & his book, How to win Friends and Influence People, is still in print.)

The possibly even more insightful and strategic author, David Schwartz, who wrote the Magic of Thinking Big, taught to look for legitimate reasons to like people and treat them well and to make an effort to reach out to people.

He also taught to focus on reasons why you can do the things you want to do and to start by assuming there are solutions to problems and to begin looking for them. He also advised to look for legitimate reasons why things are going well or could go well. And he advised to always to pass these things in an enthusiastic way as good news.

Social scientists have found that in happier, more long lasting, marriages, each of the people in the couple knows and respects the real strengths the other has.

Social scientists who study sales have found that people who make encouraging and rewarding remarks are much more successful. And the reverse is also true, people who do the other work and learn to often make encouraging and rewarding remarks become successful.

Martin Seligman, PhD, who wrote Learned Optimism, found that people who are optimistic, tend to believe bad behavior in others is temporary and to notice consistent strengths in others.

They think someone who is acting badly is grouchy, or in a bad mood, or is having a bad day instead of thinking of them as an always hateful person, for example.

And, he found such optimistic people are better liked by new people they meet and have more and better friends than less optimistic people.

In fact, they tend to act like David Schwartz’s students. And, despite its dated setting and, in the original edition, extremely dated dollar amounts, his Magic of Thinking Big is a superb training manual for becoming an optimist with superb social skills. It’s even better at that than Martin Seligman’s book.

5. Here’s my idea and the “Novel way to feel better.”:

Use the tools in #4 above and begin treating the people in your social network as if you are a happy and optimistic person. Notice them, smile at them sometimes, treat them with kindness and respect. Encourage and support them. Look for legitimate reasons to cheer them on or compliment them and do it. Make a real special effort to do this well and every day. That alone will make you feel better when you do it.

But the really interesting thing this study reveals is because of this happiness transmission effect, if you do this well, there will also be an echo effect that will make YOU feel better, perhaps when you most need a lift yourself.