Novel way to feel better...
Today's post: Friday, 12-5-2008
1. Most of us work at jobs where we know some of the people. Many of us keep in touch with family and friends. Many of us are married or are in some kind of stable, committed, relationship. Many of us shop or go to places to eat where we know the people or some of them because we see them often. Similarly, if you commute to work, you often get to know many of the people who commute when you do each day.
AND, each of those people is in similar social networks & knows or interacts with many people each week.
2. Suppose that someone in this network of people that YOU are in, unexpectedly gets a huge inheritance or wins a large LOTTO prize or gets a huge promotion they really wanted and know they can handle. Or they have been struggling to learn a new language and have been frustrated by it; but suddenly they begin thinking in it and speaking it easily.
Such people feel unusually good and act like it. They smile at people. They forgive people they otherwise wouldn’t. They say a friendly hello to people they often didn’t speak to before but saw often. They are kinder and more cheerful. They look happier than usual. They have a bit more energy than usual & clearly feel great.
3. Today on several different news services, a study was announced that found that these two things interact. If someone in a social network is in that good a mood, everyone in their extended social network begins to feel better and happier as the much more positive interactions that unusually happy person does makes each person they interact with feel better. And, so they feel better and tend to do the same thing to the other people in their lives. The research found that this effect travels two or three levels and lights up the whole social network of that person with good feelings, or happiness, in the words of the study.
4. The more effective authors & teachers of good people skills and success AND the better studies of these skills have found that acting like someone who is that happy tends to improve your communications and effectiveness. People tend to like people who do that and are glad to see them. They are more likely to cooperate with them or forgive them or give them the benefit of the doubt. And, over years and years these effects accumulate.
Famed self-help expert Dale Carnegie made it a point to teach people to smile when they see other people, to make sure to learn their names and remember them, and to take a legitimate interest in what they have to say. (There’s still a Dale Carnegie course; & his book, How to win Friends and Influence People, is still in print.)
The possibly even more insightful and strategic author, David Schwartz, who wrote the Magic of Thinking Big, taught to look for legitimate reasons to like people and treat them well and to make an effort to reach out to people.
He also taught to focus on reasons why you can do the things you want to do and to start by assuming there are solutions to problems and to begin looking for them. He also advised to look for legitimate reasons why things are going well or could go well. And he advised to always to pass these things in an enthusiastic way as good news.
Social scientists have found that in happier, more long lasting, marriages, each of the people in the couple knows and respects the real strengths the other has.
Social scientists who study sales have found that people who make encouraging and rewarding remarks are much more successful. And the reverse is also true, people who do the other work and learn to often make encouraging and rewarding remarks become successful.
Martin Seligman, PhD, who wrote Learned Optimism, found that people who are optimistic, tend to believe bad behavior in others is temporary and to notice consistent strengths in others.
They think someone who is acting badly is grouchy, or in a bad mood, or is having a bad day instead of thinking of them as an always hateful person, for example.
And, he found such optimistic people are better liked by new people they meet and have more and better friends than less optimistic people.
In fact, they tend to act like David Schwartz’s students. And, despite its dated setting and, in the original edition, extremely dated dollar amounts, his Magic of Thinking Big is a superb training manual for becoming an optimist with superb social skills. It’s even better at that than Martin Seligman’s book.
5. Here’s my idea and the “Novel way to feel better.”:
Use the tools in #4 above and begin treating the people in your social network as if you are a happy and optimistic person. Notice them, smile at them sometimes, treat them with kindness and respect. Encourage and support them. Look for legitimate reasons to cheer them on or compliment them and do it. Make a real special effort to do this well and every day. That alone will make you feel better when you do it.
But the really interesting thing this study reveals is because of this happiness transmission effect, if you do this well, there will also be an echo effect that will make YOU feel better, perhaps when you most need a lift yourself.
Today's post: Friday, 12-5-2008
1. Most of us work at jobs where we know some of the people. Many of us keep in touch with family and friends. Many of us are married or are in some kind of stable, committed, relationship. Many of us shop or go to places to eat where we know the people or some of them because we see them often. Similarly, if you commute to work, you often get to know many of the people who commute when you do each day.
AND, each of those people is in similar social networks & knows or interacts with many people each week.
2. Suppose that someone in this network of people that YOU are in, unexpectedly gets a huge inheritance or wins a large LOTTO prize or gets a huge promotion they really wanted and know they can handle. Or they have been struggling to learn a new language and have been frustrated by it; but suddenly they begin thinking in it and speaking it easily.
Such people feel unusually good and act like it. They smile at people. They forgive people they otherwise wouldn’t. They say a friendly hello to people they often didn’t speak to before but saw often. They are kinder and more cheerful. They look happier than usual. They have a bit more energy than usual & clearly feel great.
3. Today on several different news services, a study was announced that found that these two things interact. If someone in a social network is in that good a mood, everyone in their extended social network begins to feel better and happier as the much more positive interactions that unusually happy person does makes each person they interact with feel better. And, so they feel better and tend to do the same thing to the other people in their lives. The research found that this effect travels two or three levels and lights up the whole social network of that person with good feelings, or happiness, in the words of the study.
4. The more effective authors & teachers of good people skills and success AND the better studies of these skills have found that acting like someone who is that happy tends to improve your communications and effectiveness. People tend to like people who do that and are glad to see them. They are more likely to cooperate with them or forgive them or give them the benefit of the doubt. And, over years and years these effects accumulate.
Famed self-help expert Dale Carnegie made it a point to teach people to smile when they see other people, to make sure to learn their names and remember them, and to take a legitimate interest in what they have to say. (There’s still a Dale Carnegie course; & his book, How to win Friends and Influence People, is still in print.)
The possibly even more insightful and strategic author, David Schwartz, who wrote the Magic of Thinking Big, taught to look for legitimate reasons to like people and treat them well and to make an effort to reach out to people.
He also taught to focus on reasons why you can do the things you want to do and to start by assuming there are solutions to problems and to begin looking for them. He also advised to look for legitimate reasons why things are going well or could go well. And he advised to always to pass these things in an enthusiastic way as good news.
Social scientists have found that in happier, more long lasting, marriages, each of the people in the couple knows and respects the real strengths the other has.
Social scientists who study sales have found that people who make encouraging and rewarding remarks are much more successful. And the reverse is also true, people who do the other work and learn to often make encouraging and rewarding remarks become successful.
Martin Seligman, PhD, who wrote Learned Optimism, found that people who are optimistic, tend to believe bad behavior in others is temporary and to notice consistent strengths in others.
They think someone who is acting badly is grouchy, or in a bad mood, or is having a bad day instead of thinking of them as an always hateful person, for example.
And, he found such optimistic people are better liked by new people they meet and have more and better friends than less optimistic people.
In fact, they tend to act like David Schwartz’s students. And, despite its dated setting and, in the original edition, extremely dated dollar amounts, his Magic of Thinking Big is a superb training manual for becoming an optimist with superb social skills. It’s even better at that than Martin Seligman’s book.
5. Here’s my idea and the “Novel way to feel better.”:
Use the tools in #4 above and begin treating the people in your social network as if you are a happy and optimistic person. Notice them, smile at them sometimes, treat them with kindness and respect. Encourage and support them. Look for legitimate reasons to cheer them on or compliment them and do it. Make a real special effort to do this well and every day. That alone will make you feel better when you do it.
But the really interesting thing this study reveals is because of this happiness transmission effect, if you do this well, there will also be an echo effect that will make YOU feel better, perhaps when you most need a lift yourself.
Labels: Dale Carnegie, David Schwartz, feel better, happiness, how to be happy, Martin Seligman, optimism, overcome depression
posted by David at 12:46 PM
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