Guidelines to Good Health, Survival, & Longevity-IX
Welcome to our health & self help blog.
In it we post health commentary & reviews of books, eBooks, & other things that improve or protect your health or which enable you to live longer, to be more prosperous, & to be more effective.
Today's post: Thursday, 8-31-2006
Guidelines to Good Health, Survival, & Longevity-part IX
Following these guidelines helps you to have a good quality of life mostly unhampered by getting sick or disabled or spending a lot on drugs, doctors & hospitals.
And, it means you’ll have that quality of life for many years longer than many of the people who don’t follow these guidelines will live. (Your quality of life may be good into your nineties or beyond while people who follow none of these guidelines often die before age 80 – & many even earlier.)
In addition, as you get older, you’ll gradually find you look years younger than other people your age.
For the previous guidelines in this series, see the posts for Thursday, 8-17-2006; Friday, 8-18-2006; Monday, 8-21-2006; Tuesday, 8-22-2006; Wednesday, 8-23-2006; Thursday, 8-24-2006; Monday, 8-28-2006; & Wednesday, 8-30-2006.
7. Make a strong focused effort to learn & practice good social skills.
When I was in school, the teachers & administrators said that good social skills were important & that was why they declined to speed up the education of bright & gifted kids who already knew part of the material or could learn it faster.
(If you are interested, Julian Stanley, PhD did the research showing this to be untrue for most gifted kids who do get accelerated in school.
And, I later discovered that because of the way schools are funded, they lose money if they speed up the education for ANY student who is capable of it to any degree at all.)
However, I’ve since discovered that when these teachers & administrators said that good social skills were important, they were not only correct, they were quite literally SO correct, it’s astounding.
And, that’s particularly interesting considering that they made virtually no credible effort to teach these skills in the schools I attended.
Good social skills are the third major factor in Real World Intelligence & effectiveness.
And, to some degree, they are the MOST important one.
Here’s why:
a) Whether it’s money, specialized knowledge, or skills already developed to a high degree of proficiency, there are other people who have them.
And, other people literally have hundreds of hours a DAY to work on things that you don’t have.
Almost regardless of their own knowledge & skills or money, people with good social skills get more of this truly enormous resource that exists in other people.
And, the process tends to go better for people with good social skills besides.
Here are three books that have helped me in this area.
*Ask for the Moon & Get it by Percy Ross
It’s out of print, or was the last time I checked. But it is a superbly well done guide on exactly how to ask well for what you want other people to help you with.
**The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz
His book isn’t perfect. It’s slightly outdated now. And, it is aimed at people who are in sales or business. That said, however, it is one of the best guides I know to good social skills because he describes & gives real examples of how & why to, in his words, “Think right towards people.” & how to apply it in your life & how to use it to guide your thinking.
****Dig the Well Before you Thirst by Harvey McKay
This one is also a business related book. And, McKay tends to go to extremes at times. But he makes the underlying principles clear.
b) When you treat other people well & spend time with colleagues, friends, & family, your life is richer & more satisfying than it is doing almost anything else.
The process isn’t perfect even for people with very good social skills. But studies show that people who do these things are far happier & enjoy much better health than people who don’t.
c) It also helps enormously to know how to negotiate with people & deal with misunderstandings & disagreements without getting angry or depressed.
One of the key things to keep in mind is that all of the other people you meet have their own goals & needs. They have their own worries & disappointments. And, they often have very different knowledge & previous experience than you do.
When you honor & respect those things in others even if they differ from yours & even conflict with them; & you prefer if it all possible that things go well FOR THEM, it’s much more likely to be possible to work with them on getting what YOU want; & the process goes dramatically better.
Regardless of how it’s phrased, the “Golden Rule” works. When you sincerely want others to do well & forgive them their faults as best you can, YOUR life goes better.
And, the more skills you learn to make that process go well, the better that works & the better your life will be.
You may find you need more anger management skills than you now have to do well with this. Or you may need to learn how to safely be more assertive & stand up for yourself better.
Most people need to know more about how to ask effectively & safely for what they want. And, it virtually always pays to know how to set up win win results from a negotiation.
There are excellent books & courses on all these things. Make as much use of them as you can.
And, keep in touch with your family & friends.
Your life & health will be better.
In it we post health commentary & reviews of books, eBooks, & other things that improve or protect your health or which enable you to live longer, to be more prosperous, & to be more effective.
Today's post: Thursday, 8-31-2006
Guidelines to Good Health, Survival, & Longevity-part IX
Following these guidelines helps you to have a good quality of life mostly unhampered by getting sick or disabled or spending a lot on drugs, doctors & hospitals.
And, it means you’ll have that quality of life for many years longer than many of the people who don’t follow these guidelines will live. (Your quality of life may be good into your nineties or beyond while people who follow none of these guidelines often die before age 80 – & many even earlier.)
In addition, as you get older, you’ll gradually find you look years younger than other people your age.
For the previous guidelines in this series, see the posts for Thursday, 8-17-2006; Friday, 8-18-2006; Monday, 8-21-2006; Tuesday, 8-22-2006; Wednesday, 8-23-2006; Thursday, 8-24-2006; Monday, 8-28-2006; & Wednesday, 8-30-2006.
7. Make a strong focused effort to learn & practice good social skills.
When I was in school, the teachers & administrators said that good social skills were important & that was why they declined to speed up the education of bright & gifted kids who already knew part of the material or could learn it faster.
(If you are interested, Julian Stanley, PhD did the research showing this to be untrue for most gifted kids who do get accelerated in school.
And, I later discovered that because of the way schools are funded, they lose money if they speed up the education for ANY student who is capable of it to any degree at all.)
However, I’ve since discovered that when these teachers & administrators said that good social skills were important, they were not only correct, they were quite literally SO correct, it’s astounding.
And, that’s particularly interesting considering that they made virtually no credible effort to teach these skills in the schools I attended.
Good social skills are the third major factor in Real World Intelligence & effectiveness.
And, to some degree, they are the MOST important one.
Here’s why:
a) Whether it’s money, specialized knowledge, or skills already developed to a high degree of proficiency, there are other people who have them.
And, other people literally have hundreds of hours a DAY to work on things that you don’t have.
Almost regardless of their own knowledge & skills or money, people with good social skills get more of this truly enormous resource that exists in other people.
And, the process tends to go better for people with good social skills besides.
Here are three books that have helped me in this area.
*Ask for the Moon & Get it by Percy Ross
It’s out of print, or was the last time I checked. But it is a superbly well done guide on exactly how to ask well for what you want other people to help you with.
**The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz
His book isn’t perfect. It’s slightly outdated now. And, it is aimed at people who are in sales or business. That said, however, it is one of the best guides I know to good social skills because he describes & gives real examples of how & why to, in his words, “Think right towards people.” & how to apply it in your life & how to use it to guide your thinking.
****Dig the Well Before you Thirst by Harvey McKay
This one is also a business related book. And, McKay tends to go to extremes at times. But he makes the underlying principles clear.
b) When you treat other people well & spend time with colleagues, friends, & family, your life is richer & more satisfying than it is doing almost anything else.
The process isn’t perfect even for people with very good social skills. But studies show that people who do these things are far happier & enjoy much better health than people who don’t.
c) It also helps enormously to know how to negotiate with people & deal with misunderstandings & disagreements without getting angry or depressed.
One of the key things to keep in mind is that all of the other people you meet have their own goals & needs. They have their own worries & disappointments. And, they often have very different knowledge & previous experience than you do.
When you honor & respect those things in others even if they differ from yours & even conflict with them; & you prefer if it all possible that things go well FOR THEM, it’s much more likely to be possible to work with them on getting what YOU want; & the process goes dramatically better.
Regardless of how it’s phrased, the “Golden Rule” works. When you sincerely want others to do well & forgive them their faults as best you can, YOUR life goes better.
And, the more skills you learn to make that process go well, the better that works & the better your life will be.
You may find you need more anger management skills than you now have to do well with this. Or you may need to learn how to safely be more assertive & stand up for yourself better.
Most people need to know more about how to ask effectively & safely for what they want. And, it virtually always pays to know how to set up win win results from a negotiation.
There are excellent books & courses on all these things. Make as much use of them as you can.
And, keep in touch with your family & friends.
Your life & health will be better.
posted by David at 12:58 PM
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