How to build your life to be worthwhile....

Today's Post: Monday, 5-2-2011

Last Friday, we posted about two new ways to stop depression.

We also listed 7 other methods.

One of those 7 that’s most effective but least known is to get coaching in building a worthwhile life.

Among other things, doing this gives you long term positive view. So when you temporarily feel rotten it’s a lot easier to think of your bad mood as temporary. And, you are more motivated to do things to feel better because you feel like it’s worth doing.

Then, yesterday in Parade magazine in our Sunday paper had a brief interview with Martin Seligman, PhD about his new book, Flourish.

In that article, he discusses four key areas that help you build a worthwhile life.

1. Have good relationships with others.

(Dr Seligman gives a superb way to do that in the article. The technique even has a name. It’s called the “Losada ratio.”)

What you do is to make 5 accurate positive statements for each negative statement you make when you interact with people. He realized he did not do this when he graded his own graduate students. So he tried it. Then when he did make his criticisms that were most important to make, he found that far more of his students actually used them and improved their work.

(Seligman’s previous work also found this: Thinking about the negatives people do as temporary instead of happening forever really helps you do well with people.

For example, an attitude like, “He’s really grouchy today. I wonder what happened?” will cause you far less problems than one like, “He’s really a jerk and is always like that.” For one thing, the first attitude is far more often correct. Even people who have too many bad days, have good ones sometimes. Of most importance, if you want them to act well, act towards them as if they could act well. Often they will!

That also avoids you causing problems that could have had a much happier ending.)

2. Be engaged in what you are doing.

Make an effort to do it well. Know why you are doing it and get passionate about it. Keep improving in that area and learning more about it.

3. Find a sense of larger meaning and purpose in your life. If you have one, focus on it and doing the things that make it come alive.

(What if you don’t have a purpose or mission like that? For now pick one of the things you engage in that you enjoy most or think more important.)

Focus on what value you can contribute to that area. Management expert Peter Drucker called it focus on contribution. He found that people who are effective do that in the more important things they do.

Last Thursday, 4-28, I heard Joe Pinto, an executive with Cisco, describe using it to get hired there. When they asked him why they should hire him, he told them that he’d work well enough they would be truly sorry to see him retire because they were so happy with the value of his work. (He hasn’t retired yet. But already, thanks to his work, Cisco has one of the best online support websites ever made.)

4. Feel that you are achieving your goals.

Find actions or steps that really help achieve your goals. Pick those that are definitely doable but may take a bit of extra effort. And, pick those that achieve your goal in ways that contribute to the value of those goals.

If you don’t quite get there, keep trying. But try new approaches if what you did at first didn’t work. Rev Robert Schuller called that “Experimental Persistence” in one of this books that I read.

Then keep noticing it and maybe even keeping a log of the things that you do get done successfully.

That log can be as great asset on days you feel rotten or something went wrong.

It also helps a great deal to find ways to be well organized and use check lists.

When you are attentive, conscientious, and reliable, you get three benefits.:

You, yourself, will be far more effective.

People you work with will like you better and do far more to help you.

AND, recent research shows you will also live longer and will become less likely to get any kind of mental decline!

It’s no surprise. You are far better at doing some things than others. Some things are easier for you. You enjoy doing some things more than others because you do them better or have more interest in them. Or you just somehow got more effective practice than other people. So you have more skill and know more.

In the Parade article interview, Dr Seligman called those your “Signature strengths.”

In everything you do, he suggests “you develop and use your signature strengths.”

In short, find ways to use them when you work to achieve things. You’ll feel better and get a lot better results too!

Lastly, by doing this yourself, it will become easier for you to see these signature strengths in other people. That makes it easier for you to find positive statements to make when you talk to them.