Valentines day ideas and info....

Today's Post: Tuesday, 2-14-2012

Valentine’s day is about love and the heart.

We did a post yesterday on foods to protect your heart.

Today though is Valentine’s day.

So this post is a mix.

1. Ideas to help your relationship and Valentine’s day go better.:

a) So far as I know, despite the science fiction I’ve read and enjoyed, people can’t read minds.

BUT, did you know you can read people accurately 99 % of the time and they can read you?

No, so far thoughts don’t come through. What does come through that well?

What is this person’s level of energy or lack of energy?

Is what this person feeling a positive feeling or a negative one?

Hopefully the Valentine’s day cards and treats you got your valentine will please your valentine.

But two things almost always work. Most people like being treated as special and liked.

So, think about reasons why you like your Valentine and are happy with them. With that in your mind look directly at him or her and smile and radiate warmth and acceptance.

Make your energy level the same or a bit more positive than theirs but not too much more.

If they are sad or depressed, they’ll respond to the warmth and attention but may be unable to deal with too much energy and need a lower key and gentler touch.

Conversely if they are feeling GREAT and energetic, you may need to come up to their level a bit.

The key is to focus on the positive with direct attention on them.

b) Some foods tend to do well on Valentine’s Day.

One size does NOT fit all.

But you can often compensate.

Chocolate does tend to cause people to feel better and is traditional for Valentine’s day.

Not only that, dark chocolate has more of the ingredients that deliver that feeling and is actually good for you and your heart.

What if your valentine can’t have sugar or is trying to lose fat and would feel sabotaged a bit by a 5 pound box of chocolates with sugar?

You can get unsweetened cocoa and unsweetened chocolate and make them a very chocolatey cup of hot cocoa.

Or you can get them one 8 oz bar of dark chocolate with raspberries or ginger if just having a smaller amount will work. (I think the company that makes the ones I found at Whole Foods was Choco-love.)

And, a company called Monique’s in Palo Alto, California makes chocolate with coconut oil and no sugar. You still need to restrain how much due to the calories but there is NO sugar. And the taste is superb.

If you are going out to dinner and your valentine likes fish or seafood, that can help.

The omega 3 oils in fish help turn down any feelings of irritation and soothe people who have jangled nerves.

With salmon you have to be careful because if it doesn’t say wild caught or Alaskan it’s almost certainly farmed salmon. Farmed salmon can taste good; but it has too little omega 3 to produce this effect well. Worse, it’s so high in pollutants, you’d never eat it if you read what was in it!

All Alaskan salmon is wild caught by state policy I’ve read. And many better restaurants do have real wild caught salmon at least sometimes.

Halibut is lower in omega 3 but has some and is wild caught. It also tends to cost less than salmon if you need that.

Oysters if you both like them are quite high in omega 3 and have zinc which helps boost testosterone in men.

And, at some restaurants if you have a bit of extra money, lobster is a nice treat! Lobster tail is even pricier but great eating.

Scallops and shrimp are both good. (But be sure you and your valentine can eat them safely since some people are quite allergic to them. Valentines day is NOT the right time to experiment if you don’t know!)

Also, red wine is good for you in small amounts. And even one glass each can help. More than one for women and two for men can be problematic. So avoid going over that. You want to stay awake and get home from dinner safely too! (If your valentine prefers white wine or dark beer or a mixed drink though, go with that!)

c) Flowers. Some women and a few men REALLY like flowers. (My wife loves them!)

Whole foods carries organic roses so you don’t bring in flowers loaded with pesticides. Also, if your valentine is allergic to roses or roses are a bit pricey for you, carnations are very pretty and also come in colors. So you can make a red and white carnation combo for example.

2. Ideas to help your relationship go well.

There are three ways.

a) Be kind.

A famous very large family in China was renowned for what a happy family they had. They said it was because everyone knew to always follow that rule. So, be kind. To be sure that can be hard at times. But do it 100% of the time anyway. It does make that much difference.

b) It can be different if your valentine is just a one time affair. But in a lasting relationship, the second way is simple to say but also quite challenging to do at times.

But it is extremely effective.

Do what your significant other asks you to do.

Do it promptly if you can or at least say when you will and do it when you said. If you do it, do it cheerfully. There’s no sense doing something to please them and messing it up! You may need to do a bit of acting at times. But it makes a HUGE postive difference.

It was once thought that listening well and feeding back what you heard was important. And to avoid misunderstandings it certainly doesn’t hurt.

But it’s not enough if you fail to do what your significant other asks you to do! That turns out to be 10 times more important.

What happens if you really can’t do it or really have issues such as it’s illegal or dangerous or you just can’t make yourself do it? Ask why they want that done and reassure them you want to please them first. You still may be unable to do the action requested. But you may be able to give them the result they actually want another way. As a fall back, sometimes you can’t do all of it. But you can and would be happy to do part of it. Say you’ll do that and do it right away.

If on occasion you do say no, if you almost always do as asked and try to please them in these ways, you can hope you’ll be forgiven the very occasional no. But don’t have that happen at all if you can avoid it. And never allow it to happen often.

c) Value them for the things they do well and know what they are! Even if they have been grouchy and hard to live with lately, remember why you like them and review those things often.

(Our whole last post, Friday, 2-10-2012, was on this subject. If you do this with virtually everyone and your significant other most of all, your whole life will be better!)

I was going to add the reasons why exercise improves your lovemaking for both men and women. But I think I’ll do that another time. For one thing, it takes a while to work if you haven’t yet been doing it. So Valentines day may not quite be a fit for a long term plan.

And, I decided that leaving on the note that the same skill that can make your Valentine’s day and relationship better also can make all the rest of your life better was a good place to stop!